interview with Chesty Malone and the Slice 'em Ups
Have any of you played in other bands?A: Yes but only Chesty Malone matters.
How is it that you started playing music?
A: I started playing music when I was 9 years old and I played trombone in the school band. I picked trombone because I thought it looked easy to play (it wasn’t). Eventually my trombone teacher told me I should play guitar because I kept asking him to teach me Rolling Stones and Doors songs.
J: I used to just walk around all day pissed off and yelling at people, then one day someone handed me a microphone and something magical happened. I transformed into an all new me, who walked around all day pissed off and yelling at people but now I can also do it on a stage, with a microphone.
What are your names? / Who plays what? / How old are you?
Jaqueline Blownaparte, bringer of evil, 138.
Anthony Allen Van Hoek, guitah (that’s not a typo), and I’m old enough to know better.
Üruk Brutal, bass, as old as the hills
Stooley Kutchakokov, drummer, ageless.
Have you had other previous members?
J: Does the pope shit in the woods?
A: You said members!
Did you make music even when you were young?
A: Yes, I used to play the Superman and Star Wars themes on trombone when I was a little guy.
J: I’m still young.
Where are you from?Chesty Malone is from Brooklyn, NY but we actually started out in Queens, NY
What year did the band form? A: We began this insane exercise in futility back in 2006.
What's your style of genre? Torture Rock
What inspires you?
A: Going outside and experiencing society in general and how much we hate it inspires us. And cats, we like cats. And beer. And garlic and olive oil!
J: And long walks on the beach.
How often and where do you rehearse?J: When the moon is full and the virgins are plenty.
How have you developed since you started with this music?
J: We used to try to piss some people off, now we try to piss everybody off.
A: When we started this band we purposely only tried to be influenced by classic punk and hardcore bands. Now we’ve also added some metal, crossover, classic rock and mariachi influences.
Do you have other interests of work outside the band?
J: I’m the kind of gal who leads a simple life, I love my adoring husband, cute children and practicing the dark arts.
A: There is no life outside this band.
Are you looking for a booking agency, and what are your thoughts around that? No, but if you want our band to play email us at[email protected]
Are you looking for a label, and what are your thoughts around that?A: If Rick Rubin resurrects Def American we’re so in!
What made you decide to make this music?
A: The world around us and it’s unending idiocy demanded that we make this music.
J: Nobody else was gonna make it.
What are your songs about?
J: Fucking and killing mostly.
A: And robbing. Oh, and cannibals.
Who does the composing and writes the lyrics?A: Jackie and I write all the songs. Well Üruk wrote music for two songs.
Do you start with the music or the lyrics? A: It depends. Sometimes she’ll have some lyrics and ask me to write music or sometimes I’ll come up with a title and give it to her to write the rest of the words. One time I tried to re-write the theme music to King of the Hill. I’ll leave it up to the listener to figure out which Chesty song it became.
Do you compose in a certain inviroment?
A: I like to compose completely in the nude in my frozen greenhouse with blood dripping up the walls while listening to Huey Lewis and the News.
J: I like to watch.
A: Ok there Chauncey Gardiner!
Have you done any covers live? A: Yes, we like doing covers sometimes for fun. We’ve done some Johnny Thunders, Black Flag and Sabbath, Samhain, some Venom. We even did a 4 Skins tune once.
What language do you sing in? English, Spanish and ancient Sumerian.
What are the least and most people to attend one of your gigs? Least was like 5 people and most is probably around 300 or so.
What ages are most of your concert attendants? Anywhere from 17 to 73.
Do you always play the same songs live, or do you vary? A: We have close to 40 songs (so far) so we try to change it up as much as possible. We usually play 13-16 songs when we play a show.
Do you have a regular place you play live often? A: We play all over but probably Lucky 13 Saloon in Brooklyn is our home base.
What was your first gig like?
J: Lots of blood, booze, boobs and skulls.
A: it was fun and bloody. We only had like 8 original songs so we also played a few covers. We also threw out free T-shirts to the crowd.
What was your latest gig?
J: Lots of blood, booze, boobs and skulls.
A: We played with the Murder Junkies at El Cortez. There was indeed blood, booze, boobs and even a few skulls.
Have you had to cancel a gig? A: We did have to cancel a gig one time when someone slipped Jaqueline a Mickey and she was too fucked up to play when we were supposed to open for Cheetah Chrome. Luckily we were able to make it up last Halloween when we opened for his reconstituted Dead Boys.
Where do you plan to gig the coming year? Hmm, maybe you should get us over there in Sweden!
When did you start to sell merchandise, and what do you have for sale? A: We’ve had shirts since our first ever show and now we also have CDs and records. We had beer kuzis for a while. We should make more of those.
Where can people buy your merchandise? www.chestymalone.bigcartel.com
What do you think about people downloading music instead of buying records now a days? A: I don’t really have any kind of hard stance either way on the matter but I will say that the pay is horrible for streaming and downloading. We get literally less than a penny per play with streaming. But whatevs, that’s not your problem obviously. And I still buy records!
How do you think the music industry has changed because of this? A: I’d say it’s actually gotten worse because bands get paid even less than they ever did. But I consider us outside of the “music industry” anyway so I don’t really care.
What do you think of my work? A: You support heavy and underground music so fuck yeah, you rule!
How do you think and know that this interview will help you in the music business? A: I don’t know, are you gonna hook us up with any music moguls and get us headlining Madison Square Garden?
Do you have any role models or idols? A: Only El Duce from the Mentors and Glenn Danzig.
Why do you think that they exist? A: Probably because their parents had sex!
Is it easier to find inspiration from older bands, or bands that are more active today?A: Today pretty much sucks. Except for us!
What have been your biggest obstacles?
J: Finding a bra that will support me through an entire set without mishap.
A: Finding a guitar that can withstand my endless punishment.
What advice would you give other bands or artists?
A: Don’t do it, go back!
J: fuck the haters, bathe in their blood!
How do you get psyched for a gig?
J: A couple beers here, a sacrifice there. The norm.
A: I like to sniff dead birds in baggies and summon disgruntled spirits. And I also like to have a cold Coors Light.
Do you have any new material? Yes we have a song called Antibiotic Death. It’s about the wonderful side affects that happen when your doctor prescribes you antibiotics and steroids. If you’ve ever been there then you know what I’m talking about!
What are your web sites?
How can people reach you? Through either of those sites.
What are your plans for the future?
J: World domination by way of Torture Rock!
A: I see a couple of cans of cold Coors Light in my future! And a pizza.
Do you have something to add? A: support independent music and artists! And buy our stuff. Have a good one!
